Every year around this time, you read comments in the press by straight people complaining about Gay Pride. “Why don’t they have a Pride Day for straight people?” they ask in various terms and styles of grammar. Well, guess what, straight folks, you’re in luck! They DO have a Pride for straight people! It’s called Fredericton Pride, and its for everybody. But most especially, Fredericton Pride is for straight people who might be uncomfortable with the [ahem] “gay lifestyle.” So it’s not a Gay Pride, because that would make it about gay people, and that would be so exclusive and mean, and it might even imply something about gay sexuality, which is absolutely taboo in public. No, Fredericton Pride isn’t “just” about gay people. It’s not “limited to” people in the queer community. It’s a generic Pride; it’s about whatever you’re Proud of: proud of your job, proud of your school, proud of your political beliefs, proud of your civic organization, proud of your hockey team proud of your city, proud of your family or nationality, proud of your small business, proud of your fashion sense, proud of the brand of beer you drink. Whatever. Fill in the blank. 
Most definitely, it’s not about the unique history and culture of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer people. It’s not about the oppression of homosexuals or queers, however you refer to them, and our culture of resistance. It’s not about the Stonewall Uprising and the gay liberation movement. It’s not about the oppression and discrimination we face on a daily basis. It’s not about the way we fought back, the way we continue to fight back in large and small ways every day. It’s not about the extraordinary queer culture that we generate everywhere we go. No, it’s a generic _________ [fill in the blank] Pride,with generic fluffy rainbows to make sure we offend no one. The new generic Pride has erased all that LGBTIQ stuff, or at least made it invisible. So go ahead, straight people, have fun on your generic _______ [fill in the blank] Pride. I’m going to the Stonewall March.
Shaun Bartone
Editor, FQ
To throw rocks at the author of this article, feel free to leave comments in the section below.
FQ 
Ken Spragg (@imperator_prime)
July 8, 2011
Wouldn’t ya’ know it, I’m all out of rocks. However, the last two years that Fredericton’s had Fill-in-the-blank Pride weeks, there’s been an a/v presentation at boom about the history of the gay rights movement since well before Stonewall. It isn’t *so* generic that we go unmentioned. Fredericton just chooses to try and be more inclusive of our straight (but kinda’ queer) friends who do what they can to support us. Even though gay people and straight bigots alike don’t really take them that seriously as our ambassadors, and even though they may not really understand our experience of being a minority– they still choose to place themselves minority-adjacent.
I’ll admit that I have mixed feelings about Pride that’s *so* inclusive and so hetero-attended. Identity politics was alive and kicking when I came out. Matthew Shepard was murdered right around when I came out. The world still looked hostile and scary as shit when I came out, so I stepped out of the closet dressed for war. I was fuckin’ armoured and on high-alert for a fight, I thought it might be tooth-and-nail every day the rest of my life just to avoid being rounded up for a fag death-camp. But my friends were all good with me; and people never really got in my face, though I know people have gotten into others’; and then a bunch of straight legislators agreed that yes, I deserved to marry another guy if I wanted to; and then the kids coming up after me seemed incrementally less homophobic. And now that there’s a Pride Week in Fredericton, I find something like half the people who take part are straight. It’s strange for me, I feel like one of the Klingons in Star Trek – Undiscovered Country or like an old Cold War soldier– as things thaw and the battlements come down, I’m conflicted. What do I do now if the war is winding down? I know there’s still fighting going on but how far do I have to travel to find a battlefront that’s still ‘hot?’ And what does it say about me if I go looking, searching for a fight? It’s not like there’s any one field where the final outcome will be decided; I could choose any one of a hundred places to go be a footsoldier (at the cost of neglecting the other 99) and winning the last skirmish there won’t mean that the enemy is gone everywhere.
Part of me wants to, no doubt. Part of me girded for battle and wants to fight– feels useless if I’m not. But part of me also says that this is a different kind of struggle; it isn’t between two ‘nations,’ not really– it’s a civil war that’s divided families and neighbours and can only *really* be ended by those families and neighbours reconciling. Outcast children have to be welcomed back home, or find (or make) surrogate families until they outlive their parents. Gay friends have to reveal themselves and confront straight friends, to make them realise that the queer “other” they verbally bash isn’t a stranger, and by doing so correct their thinking or show them that hatred loses you friends. I think this really is a war that will be won gradually by reason and the changing of hearts, not by combat and the slaying of oppressors (though we must remain vigilant and ready for the latter, whenever they come for us in force). And that *is* strange, and a little uncomfortable for me. I felt excluded so my self-image is of someone different and, specifically, ‘apart.’ But the enemy that made me feel that way, their numbers are dropping. By conversion or by attrition, the ranks of our friends– people who acknowledge that we’re “different” but don’t feel the need to set us ‘apart’– are growing, and the ranks of our enemies are shrinking (though they certainly seem to be getting louder as they decline). That’s going to re-shape society and our place in it, probably within our lifetime, and adapting is going to take work, like learning a new language. A lot like learning a new language. And not just for fun, but to get by in a changed world. I’m struggling with novel words as old ones lose currency, wrestling with strange new grammar, and certainly, sometimes I have a stubborn bout where I insist on my mother tongue. It has meaning to me and my generation, I don’t want it or our experiences– as can only really be told in our words– to be forgotten.
But the world seems intent on changing nonetheless. And here I catch myself sometimes resisting, because the change is disorienting or it makes me feel left behind and insecure; it makes the skills I learned and the experiences that I shared with my generation feel devalued and marginalised; it makes what I have to say about the way things were “in my day” appear irrelevant… and then I realise that this makes me– and I shudder at the thought– conservative. How perverse, the notion that our radicalism could change the world and that by then holding onto it, we could become the conservatives, stuck in our ways and fighting ‘modernity.’ So my feelings about Pride where so many straight friends take part is sedimentary– layer upon layer of questioning what we’ve accomplished and what living in the aftermath ‘means.’ Will we ever recognize a point when we can lay down our arms if it arrives? Can we ever ‘return home from the front’ without being the crazed, shell-shocked vet that people feel sorry for and anxious around? Will we be capable of ‘re-integrating’ after our war is won, or do we linger on as some kind of menace? Will those of us who grew up thirsting for ‘pride’– like someone exiled to the desert– ever be satiated? Even if we find an oasis? Even if that oasis grows, and connects with others, and flourishes until we’re living in a rainforest? I’m not saying we’re there yet, but would we be able to apprehend it and accept it if we were, given our conditioned longing?
QTC
July 9, 2011
I’m glad you’re feeling more accepted and need to be less militant around your sexuality. Let me tell you what’s happened to me since I’ve been here in legal-gay-marriage-tolerant-accepting Fredericton: 1) harassed and told to leave a store where I was not welcome as a queer; 2) denied grants and tuition funding because I’m queer; 3) thrown out of the Legislature after only being there for one hour and breaking no laws, because I’m queer; 4) denied several jobs because I’m queer; 5) filed 3 human rights lawsuits related to the above incidents; 6) gay-bashed at boom for being a queer; 7) screamed at in bathrooms because I’m a queer; 8) harassed and denied service at a restaurant because I was a queer; 9) gay-bashed on the street on a fairly regular basis because I’m a queer.
In addition, the Queer Theory Collective was denied Arts & Culture funding by the City because, according to the grant administrator, “the City doesn’t fund cultural events based on sexuality.”
So let’s say perhaps your experience of gay life in Fredericton has been a bit better than mine. Granted. That’s not a reason for failing to tell people exactly what it is that we’re Proud of. I’m proud of being a gender queer. I’m proud of being a lesbian (in terms of my sexuality). I’m proud of not only who I love, but how I love. Yes, straight people, we not only love different people than you do, we MAKE LOVE in a different way than you, and we’re PROUD of our sexuality.
I suggest that Fredericton Pride should do something similar to what Halifax Pride has done: add a subtitle that says “Fredericton’s LGBTIQ Cultural Festival.” It says exactly what it is we’re Proud of, while also calling it “Pride” which is as open and inclusive as you and many others would like to be. I’m not saying that we have to copy-cat Halifax Pride–it’s just a really effective way to communicate exactly what kind of Pride we’re talking about.
QTC
July 9, 2011
LGBTIQ elders forced back in the closet because of homophobic elder care institutions. If you think its just uppity young queers who are “inviting” gay-bashing and discrimination because of acting “too flaming and in your face”, look at what’s happening to our frail elders—they can’t even say that they’re gay.
menescus
July 9, 2011
First Nations people are very effective at holding ceremonies that are clearly First Nations yet making it clear that people who are not First nations are still welcome, maybe because they’ve been at it so much longer than us queers. They state very clearly that it is a First Nations event, often using the name of their specific nation. Sometimes people ask if others are welcome. I usually do, and not because I feel excluded but because I don’t want to be intrusive if it’s a closed event. Even when “white allies” are welcome, it is still clear that it is a First Nations ceremony, and that they are welcoming us.
I personally feel no slight about that, not do I feel discriminated against. I think we Queers have much to learn from First Nations people when it comes to maintaining – and naming – our identity while not being exclusive. Yes it’s trickier for us, because we don’t inherit our culture and heritage from our families, we don’t grow up with our parents telling us stories of Stonewall, or grandparents passing along the history of our oppression.
QTC
July 9, 2011
and if “everybody” is welcome to share our Pride then “everybody” should know exactly what it is we are Proud of: our LGBTIQ history, culture and community.
Nathan Thompson
July 11, 2011
I’m mostly with you on this one Shaun. My experiences of living in Fredericton wast that I always had a bit of fear… always being a bit unsure of who was around me, how masculine I was acting around certain people, whether or not I felt I had allies nearby. This was in 2007. I’m sure maybe some things have changed since then but even in my conversations with members of the queer community back in Fredericton – there seems to be a sort of resistance to the sort of Pride you might see back here in Toronto. I think someone once said to me, “it’s pretty safe to be gay here in Fredericton – just don’t hang your kink wear out on the line”… But this is still a problem. What if you need to hang your kink wear out? Why should this be something one does not do in Fredericton?
Menescus is right – it is trickier for us. And, our culture is in no way representative of all LGBTTQQI2S people – there is no “culture” that would define all of these identities and their respective histories. Sure we can discuss Stonewall – but does this cover Trans/I/Bi/2S people? Hardly… And people are now adding in the “A” to the acronym. I think recognizing the important work allies do with regard to LGBTTQQI2S people is extremely important – ESPECIALLY in a place like Fredericton. But as Shaun highlights – they need to know more about the history of the community. However, I don’t know if comparing an LGBTTQQI2S community to a racialized community is always the best move…
Pride is a political investment – it’s not just about assimilating and expressing a will to be accepted into a community. In fact – this wasn’t what Stonewall was about at all. Pride has traditionally been about living your life in non-normative ways and demonstrating to the world that you don’t give a fuck what they think. This includes nudity, polyamory, non-married relationships, BDSM, same-sex love, etc….. and now includes parenting, adoption, non-normative family life, religion, etc… Just look at the Toronto Pride parade – you have the United Church, followed by PFLAG, followed by entirely nude men and women, followed by Kink wear enthusiasts, followed by Teacher’s for Queer Students, followed by Trojan condoms….
They should all go together. Although, as I expressed… there is no “one” LGBTTQQI2S culture… so these sort of events are inevitably shaped by those organizing. Just look at us here in Toronto – the organizers last year decided to move Blockorama (a black queer event) to a new area… this mostly occurred because the Pride committee (of almost all white people) didn’t really think much about what they had done. But they should have. So which queers are getting represented at Fredericton Pride… and which queers aren’t? Or, even further still – COULD all queers be represented at Fredericton Pride without fear of harassment or retaliation from the community at large?
QTC
July 11, 2011
“Just look at the Toronto Pride parade – you have the United Church, followed by PFLAG, followed by entirely nude men and women, followed by Kink wear enthusiasts, followed by Teacher’s for Queer Students, followed by Trojan condoms….
They should all go together. Although, as I expressed… there is no “one” LGBTTQQI2S culture… so these sort of events are inevitably shaped by those organizing.”
Right on, Nathan. And I should probably qualify my statements by referring to “histories” and “cultures” because there is no one narrative that fits all these diverse individuals and groups. But there are common themes, those being that most of us experience marginalization because of our genders and/or sexualities. There shouldn’t be any one “right way” to do LGBITQ Pride. The kinks can’t tell the gay church goers that “you should march in fetish gear and underwear.” Likewise, the gay church goers shouldn’t be censoring the kinkier crowd: “you have to tone down the sexuality and be modest so we don’t offend our families and allies.” Neither should dominate by decree, and certainly all those interests, differences and styles should be represented in the Pride Parade.
menescus
July 12, 2011
Nathan, you wrote “So which queers are getting represented at Fredericton Pride… and which queers aren’t? Or, even further still – COULD all queers be represented at Fredericton Pride without fear of harassment or retaliation from the community at large?”
I would venture to say the answer to that is no, all queers could not be represented without fear of retaliation and/or censure. It nearly broke my heart last year to see that many of the negative comments regarding Fredericton’s first Pride parade were coming from gay people. There were statements made such as “My wife and I are able to be married now, why do you need to go out and make us look like freaks by having a parade?”
We have a very long way to go before we will be truly celebrating diversity of sexual orientation and gender identity. And this recent family values movement is not helping.
badio
July 28, 2011
Funny how Fredericton Pride is being compared to Toronto Pride when Fredericton is nothing like Toronto at all. I thought the point of Fredericton Pride in the past couple of years was to be the building block for future years to come. If we were to be exactly like Toronto, I sincerely doubt that there would be a a parade and festival next year because you would have the anti-gays and bigots out in full force protesting and Fredericton Pride would go the way of many other Fredericton Prides from years ago….slowly and quietly slink away with its tail between its legs. When Sarah and PJ started it 2 years ago, they wanted it all-inclusive, for everybody to be able to celebrate the diversity of the GLBTIQ community. Fredericton is not ready for the glitz and the glam of Toronto’s style because there is still too much old money, old values and old thinking still in place here. With little steps and by showing that we want to be taken seriously, we will here tomorrow, next year and in future years. It took Toronto many years to reach the stage it is at now so please do not think you can do it overnight in the town of Fredericton.
Sure, there are times I do not feel safe out on the street but there are a higher amount of rednecks here who do not want to understand our lifestyle. Getting in their face is not going to change their tune but showing them that we are not a threat to them and talking to them one-on-one or in peaceful situations just might. I think anyone marching down Queen St, naked whether they were gay or straight would upset most citizens of Fredericton. It is the mentality here…face it. You will not change it overnight…..face it. So take one step at a time and maybe it will change. I personally think attitudes are starting to change around here. Look at QTC, FQ, Fredericton Pride, FLAG, Spectrum & boom! Nightclub…..they are here and will continue on because attitudes are changing slowly.
Yes, Fredericton Pride encompasses Fredericton Gay Pride but to some that is not enough. To me, that is small-minded and selfish because then it only serves a select few and excludes the transgenders, the kinks, the fets and many others who have become affiliated with Pride but are not gay. It boils down to the “me” factor and definitely not the “we”. If you want to known as Fredericton Gay (or Queer) Pride, so be it. Just recognize that it is one of many branches of Fredericton Pride.
Shaun, you say “No, Fredericton Pride isn’t “just” about gay people. It’s not “limited to” people in the queer community. It’s a generic Pride; it’s about whatever you’re Proud of: proud of your job, proud of your school, proud of your political beliefs, proud of your civic organization, proud of your hockey team proud of your city, proud of your family or nationality, proud of your small business, proud of your fashion sense, proud of the brand of beer you drink. Whatever. Fill in the blank.” You talk about daily discrimination and oppression. Nowhere in your article did I see you say anything about being Proud of your family, your parents, siblings, children who are gay and the people who aren’t but love these people unconditionally. You are trying to be so radical without taking into account where you are located. All I am saying is give it time and I think eventually you will get what you want, not what the general gay population of Fredericton wants. I know a lot of gay people who think the same way I do but I guess our feelings/values don’t count because it is not the same as yours.
QTC
July 28, 2011
First, Bruce, I didn’t compare Fredericton Pride with Toronto Pride, Nathan did. I simply quoted Nathan, because he made a good point about the range of diversity in that march. But we can’t be like Toronto Pride anymore than we can be like anybody else’s Pride celebration, and we shouldn’t be. We should reflect the history and culture of the queer community as it is here in Fredericton, our goals and our dreams for our community. But there is one thing about Halifax Pride that I think we should borrow. It’s called “Halifax Pride”, so it has that “all-inclusive” title; but underneath that, as a subtitle, its the “LGBTQ Cultural Festival.” And that gets down to the specifics of what it’s really about. I’m not saying we have to copy Halifax, I’m just saying that its a really effective way to communicate both things: inclusivity and specificity. Check it yourself.
http://halifaxpride.com/pride-week.html
And again, if “everybody” is welcome to share our Pride then “everybody” should know exactly what it is we are Proud of: our LGBTIQ history, culture and community.